The Funcooker

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MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D directed by Patrick Lussier

I love it when they remake a film that’s bad to begin with… I mean, someone remaking John Carpenter’s “Halloween” takes a lot of balls, but remaking “My Bloody Valentine” doesn’t represent such a challenge. The director Patrick Lussier isn’t particularly known, and he doesn’t have anything to lose because people will always say his remake is better than the original. He also has the 3D, which doesn’t make the film any better, but it sure as hell makes it fun. Funny story, I started watching this film, I was pretty tired in my living room, and twenty minutes in I hit the pause button and wondered, “is this film really in 3D?”… Well, turns out I put the DVD on the wrong side. The story isn’t that funny anymore, but it just goes to show that this film is only worth anything because of the 3D. The actors are all pretty much terrible, even that guy I kind of liked in “The Forsaken” (yes I actually liked “The Forsaken” we all have bad taste once in a while). Lussier isn’t a bad director per se, and he actually knows how to build a little tension during scenes but you never believe that something with half a brain wouldn’t be able to get away from that boogeyman. Now, that’s the good aspect of the film, the boogeyman is freaking awesome, and the attitude, the movements and the kills are extremely well thought so I might as well point that out. This film is also the occasion to tell producer, directors, and screenwriters that a horror movie doesn’t necessarily need a shitty twist ending… Seriously, you don’t need some far-fetched explanation to surprise us about the boogeyman’s identity, because just because of that furiously shitty ending I will never watch the film again when I’m looking for a fun horror film… That’s all I’m saying.

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