The Funcooker

LOWER LEARNING directed by Mark Lafferty

I picked up this film in the US about 6 months ago mostly because it starred Rob Corddry, and I thought it could be funny. Then I made the mistake to check the rating on IMDB and I put it back on the shelf with other movies I need to watch. Well, I saw the trailer before another flick yesterday, and it looked fucking hilarious so I decided to watch it today and fucking hell I wasn’t disappointed, far from it actually. This film is just plain wrong. Corddry plays the principal of a school. He’s a crooked man, who bribes the parents and uses students as his personnal slaves and plans on getting the school shut down and leaving with the money. Then you’ve got Jason Biggs, the vice-principal who wants to save the school, with the help of Eva Longoria (who’s actually very decent in this flick). Honestly, I didn’t expect much from this film, but I was really laughing my ass off while watching it, especially when they put the kids in really awkward or fucked up situations. The real deal here is Will Sasso, who created an insane character as the crazy gym teacher who forces his tiny student to fight against the biggest girl in the school. Everything is overplayed and that’s what makes the movie so funny. Never do they try to underplay, it’s all over the top and I think that’s why it works well. Now, the script isn’t the strong point of this film but no one cares because you at least get to spend a good time enjoying a comedy that doesn’t originate from Appatow’s mold. This isn’t a revolution, this isn’t the best comedy I’ve seen in years, but it sure gave me my share of laughs, and I always enjoy seeing actors from the cast of shows such as “The Office” and “How I Met Your Mother” in movies, it just immediately brings me back to things I like.

WHILE SHE WAS OUT directed by Susan Montford

First off, I fucking hate Kim Basinger… I don’t know why, that’s just how it’s always been, and yeah I know her performance in “L.A. Confidential” was amazing and blablabla cut the crap you don’t work for the fucking academy awards ok! She was the worst thing in Curtis Hanson’s film. There, I fucking said it. What else did she do? Absolutely nothing except getting her titties sucked on by a good looking Mickey Rourke… I agree, it’s more than a lot of women can pretend to nowadays (I’m referencing a good looking Rourke in case you didn’t get that), but still she’s a shitty actress. So, let’s now get to the film… Well, I didn’t really like it that much as you can imagine. It’s basically the story of an abused suburban housewife (boooohoooo), who witnesses a murder on Christmas Eve, and she gets chased by the murderers in the forest for a good 45min (I’m not kidding it’s fucking long), and then she gets all badass on the motherfuckers because she’s got…wait for it…a toolbox. Ok, I have to give the director a thumbs up for making the murders pretty gruesome but that is fucking it. We struggle for an hour and thirty minutes with nothing but Basinger on the fucking screen…arghhhhhhhhhh. One good thing about the flick is Lukas Haas, who plays the main evil dude. He was previously seen in “Mars Attacks” and the insanely awesome “Brick”, and thank god he’s in this flick because it really wouldn’t be possible otherwise. Anyway, you’ve understood there’s nothing to see here, and except four cool murder scenes, but really that’s absolutely it. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, she kills her abusive husband in the end…there, you have it no need to watch this piece of shit.

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU directed by Ken Kwapis

Ok, where do I begin with this one… You’re probably wondering, does it suck? Well, it really doesn’t… It’s actually quite good if you can believe it. I remember when it came out I absolutely had not interest in seeing it because I thought it would just be a dull chickflick. I have nothing against chickflicks, in fact, I consider myself a pretty sensible guy but I hate going to see a film written by women for women and coming out feeling like a piece of shit because if Nora Ephron says all men cheat, then it must be fucking true right? Well, Ken Kwapis’ film isn’t like that at all. In fact, most of my really masculine friends who like cars and watches enjoyed the flick. Basically, this film is a guide for both men and women to understand the clichés about relationships and dating. I say clichés because we aren’t all like that I’m sorry ladies, but I swear some of the things you’ll see in this film are absolutely true. Now, what made this film different from any other chickflick? Well, I’d say it’s probably because it’s very well written. The situations are all built very well, and even though we know about thirty minutes before the characters what’s going to happen, you still follow the movie and really enjoy it. The best aspect of the flick is the cast, because it’s not often that you see a romantic comedy with such a great cast. Being a guy, I had more empathy for the male characters, maybe also because I didn’t find the women in the film to have much going for them, but casting Justin Long and Bradley Cooper in this flick was an amazing idea. They bring veracity to their characters, and even though they’ve been out there for a while, I really think those two will become huge stars when audiences can finally see them in great parts…althought that might happen very soon for Cooper with the release of “The Hangover” where he seems to unleash all his comedy skills. Anyway, I’m going completely off topic here, so let’s just say if you’re a dude who’s into getting buff at the gym and hanging out with your bros, well enjoying this film won’t make you gay… Let’s say it’s like reading Cosmopolitan, you’ll get a nice and relaxing time out of it and who knows, maybe you’ll understand the opposite sex better douchebag!

MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D directed by Patrick Lussier

I love it when they remake a film that’s bad to begin with… I mean, someone remaking John Carpenter’s “Halloween” takes a lot of balls, but remaking “My Bloody Valentine” doesn’t represent such a challenge. The director Patrick Lussier isn’t particularly known, and he doesn’t have anything to lose because people will always say his remake is better than the original. He also has the 3D, which doesn’t make the film any better, but it sure as hell makes it fun. Funny story, I started watching this film, I was pretty tired in my living room, and twenty minutes in I hit the pause button and wondered, “is this film really in 3D?”… Well, turns out I put the DVD on the wrong side. The story isn’t that funny anymore, but it just goes to show that this film is only worth anything because of the 3D. The actors are all pretty much terrible, even that guy I kind of liked in “The Forsaken” (yes I actually liked “The Forsaken” we all have bad taste once in a while). Lussier isn’t a bad director per se, and he actually knows how to build a little tension during scenes but you never believe that something with half a brain wouldn’t be able to get away from that boogeyman. Now, that’s the good aspect of the film, the boogeyman is freaking awesome, and the attitude, the movements and the kills are extremely well thought so I might as well point that out. This film is also the occasion to tell producer, directors, and screenwriters that a horror movie doesn’t necessarily need a shitty twist ending… Seriously, you don’t need some far-fetched explanation to surprise us about the boogeyman’s identity, because just because of that furiously shitty ending I will never watch the film again when I’m looking for a fun horror film… That’s all I’m saying.

I remember as a kid I used to pretend I liked Neil Young. Even though I hadn’t heard a single track he recorded, I just thought it sounded cool. Then, my dad gave me some of his CD’s when I started liking rock, and I was blown away. Now, everyone agrees to say that “Harvest” is the best album he ever recorded. In some ways, I can actually agree with that statement, but my only problem with “Harvest” is the fact that it is perfect. I don’t like my music or films to be absolutely perfect. A piece of art needs flaws. My favorite Young album would have to be “After the Gold Rush”. It’s one of the few albums I can sit and listen to the whole thing. Anyway, enough with the back story… Four days ago, I went to the Zenith in Paris for my first Neil Young concert. As soon as I saw the posters, I ran back home and bought tickets. I always buy two tickets whenever I go to a concert, because I am able to go watch a film by myself but there’s no way I can attend a concert alone. I mean, I did it before but it doesn’t feel very cool when you come out you know what I mean? Anyway, I was quite scared before the concert, because legends usually tend to disappoint during live performances. I remember sitting through a Lou Reed concert in 2004, and it destroyed me to say that it was a terrible experience. Same thing goes with Bob Dylan… So, in order to not be disappointed, my friend and I decided to experience a bit of the reefer madness before the show…that way, if Young sucks, we’ll still get a good laugh out of it. Well, let me say I didn’t need it. As soon as he came on stage, the audience went insane and he started off with a really heavy version of “Hey Hey My My”. All of a sudden, I had absolutely no idea what was happening around me, and I just sat there, completely blocked on the master at work…yes, I was really high at the time, but that’s no explanation for me being unable to talk for a good hour. Young was rocking it, he was rocking it good, but the real peak of the show came when he put down the electric guitar, and started playing tracks from “Harvest” and “After the Gold Rush”. Don’t know if it was the doobie, but damn did I start really tripping when he played “Don’t let it bring you down”, “Heart of Gold” and finally “Old Man”. Then he went back to the electric guitar, that’s when I knew it was time for a cigarette and a beer. Well, “Rockin in the Free World” really sounds good from far away that’s all I can say. After an amazing concert, the audience obviously called for an encore, and Young came in and played a perfect cover of The Beatles’ “A Day in the Life”. That such a great artist would choose someone else’s song to finish his concert is humble and beautiful. I came out of the concert feeling like I just witnessed something incredible. I took a big breath, realized I was still high and that’s when the munchies hit me and my friend and I got ourselves a merguez sandwich…my kind of night.